Understanding...??

Once again the time has come which requires an urgent and inevitable change, or rather than that an urgent improvement in the areas of personal qualities of self.
Hard work and improvement is needed in Kanji and Karate studies though rather than in these (comparably more) material qualities it is absolutely essential in the ones of the hidden inner self.
Since the time when Hideto has decided he would rather like to be by himself than with me I have become once again self-absorbed, negative and bitter despite all my vehemently expressed attempts to hold a positive attitude.
Once again I have to be careful about the things I think and I utter, the ways I think them, the ways they come out, about the ways my surroundngs comes to my understanding for now these are dirty with bitterness and I am once again disgusted with myself.
What is needed is a determination and modesty until it is possible to take a quiet day of knowing nothing and no one so one can know oneself.