From Korea to...Fukuchiyama (about the 29th of October) (and the 30th)

I cannot believe its been almost a month since I have last written here. I appologize. To whom, I am not sure, maybe to myself...even though that would not make much sense, would it really?
"What`s your point Vanessa?" is the phrase springing to my mind at this moment.
I wonder whether it is because I just suddenly thought of Austin Powers or a question to ask myself, and the most appropriate was the one that Herbie would ask me rather often:-)...once upon a time.
All seems to be so long ago.
Korea seems like a country I have never been to, an adventure I have never took part in. Though when I remember all the flavours and colours and smells of the fresh autumn air bathing in the calming yellow leaves that soon would be screaming "Red!" and pointing out to you the eternal cycle of change, when I remember the messy streets buzzing with life in the fresh october smell of coming winter and roasted chesnuts, when I remember the sweats and trembles in front of the airport security staff members who are trying their best to persuade you that you ARE a terrorist and you ARE a smuggler, or even just a generally dangerous individual, but you definitely ARE...well, that`s when I know that the trip to Korea was real. And it was great. I don`t know why or how I deserved to meet all those wonderful people, Kimey and her mum and sister, and her friend Pingu girl and the boys who were my tour guides, but I did and I am very grateful for all that, for all the goodness they gave me and for all the beauty of their minds and hearts that we could share and give to each other and play with and then just know that it was there.

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And so I was coming back from the land of `Chinese Japan Japanese China`, managed to somehow convince all the legal authorities that I am no threat of any kind whatsoever and they kindly let me in the country again, together with my knife and another three month visa.
It was the most wonderful feeling to land in Narita and switch on my phone (when you are explicitly warned to keep it switched off), as well as sit calmly with your seat belt still `buttoned` (which everybody except for me (coming from messy Europe with no rules) was doing), and receive a message immediately from Gochan. He remembered when I was arriving and that was the warmest welcome I could imagine. Everybody else was in Shizuoka at a festival, Hidechan, Renchan, Yukikochan and Hiwakochan, everybody except for Hiisa (probably in Thailand learning thai massage) and Gochan who had to work (for he decided to see how it is to live a life of a sarariman -salary man-and I think he si not going to last for too much longer) and who also had some of my stuff.
What a wonderful feeling it was to sit on the train from the airport; one that would make you almost cry; the feeling of peaceful happiness in your heart, the calmness of your mind, for you know all is going to be good from now on.
"Meet me at a GIANT panda at Ueno station." said the message from Go.
Knowing the easy ways of a foreigner in Japan, and being cheeky about it, instead of searching I just asked at the Ueno information booth. For the GIANT panda. I walked up the stairs, down the stairs, ran to the toilet, almost peed myself in the queue and continued going up and down the stairs and around until I finally found the GIANT panda at the Ueno station and stood there. Stood there for 10 minutes, for 15 and 20 minutes and Go was not coming. The messages were rather sporadic and the little voice of self-non-confidence started to whisper in my ear, " You`re alone, all alone, again and still and always." And so I took out pachika and was playing and hopping around to pass the time (trying not to look too much like a tramp basking under the GIANT panda at Ueno station) and was waiting for Go to finally appear, He said, "I`m on my way." And so I played and hopped along. And then I turend around and saw Hidechan in his stripy Jamaican hat and with a huge smile under it coming towards me. I could not believe it. It was the most beautiful wonderful surprise anyone ever planned for me and I was so happy. He did not go to Shizuoka, he did not go to a festival, he went to meet me instead! And so we hugged, we held hands and we walked and talked and walked and talked and held hands. Because that is what you do in Japan. And it is cute. And sexy.
Later on we met up with Gochan and Aichan 1 who were having a date (oh how cute cute cute) and we had some green tea with them before we ran for the bus to Kyoto which we almost missed. And in Kyoto, we walked and talked and held hands again. We met a bunch of Slovak people on a business trip who I spoke to and was happy (and when we were leaving one of the men said, "Aha, to je jej frajer."); and so yes, because he was my boyfriend, we held hands and talked and held hands some more.
Hide told me a lot about the shrines and temples and the Japanese ways and I feel I am learning more and more about the customs and habits and am, layer after layer, unfolding the onion, and finding more and more beauty, more and more warmth and peace and depth and meaning-sense in every single thing, in every single living being, in every movement you do and every thought that occurrs in your mind.

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This is how I came to Fukuchiyama. Well, kind of, if I try to ignore the feelings of confused lostness in the biiiig wide world in which, the moment I would say good bye to Hide and cross behind the ticket barriers, I was once again going to find myself. And for the first time in my whole life I was going to be completely utterly on my own. No bravery.
I know before I was full of `on my own, it`s all a piece of cake anyway` phrases and such and I thought that I was strong and brave and I could tackle anything if I wanted to and people who didn`t think so were a bunch of pussies. Well, I guess i think different now. For during my grandeur independence in the course of which I managed to do some things, say some things I might not be too proud of, loose my wallet with all my life in it as well as loose my confidence in the way of my life, I have learned other. I hope.
Anyway, shouldn`t have worried too much about being alone and lost. Upon my arrival I was thrown into a staff Halloween party with a cheesecake, fried fish on sticks, cheese biscuits, chocolates with Halloween theme wrappings and cans of beer and cocktails and was performing Tonysan`s `dark-empty-street-samurai-game` with my new colleagues in the dark empty street of late night Fukuchiyama. And I felt I was not alone.
And I was happy.